Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Not My Smartest Moment: Trying to Describe Feelings With Words at 3 am

Allow me to let you in on a very shocking secret.

Sometimes, even professional content writers find it difficult to put things into words.

I’m not sure how to describe my current state, but what I am sure about is how I would describe this year so far: blah. Since the 1st of January, it’s been pretty blah. A good adjective would be meh.

Have I taken on new problems? Not really. But I also haven’t really advanced in solving my ongoing ones. I have gotten sick twice: first with Covid (which was pretty chill) and then with something that felt much worse than Covid, which ended up not being Covid. No comment.

Also, I’m tired. Scratch that; I’m exhausted. I feel like a lot has been built up inside of me. Right, good thing Michael Scott from the office isn’t sitting next to me to comment on that last sentence.

Am I depressed? No. Do I have a plan? Yes. Do I feel like I am capable of following that plan and accomplishing my goals for the year? Yes. Maybe. Kind of. Ask me later. Don’t ask me at 3 am.

A couple of months ago, I was blaming our greedy world of capitalism for my current state of blah. But now I’m thinking it’s just a me problem. I’m just tired of everything. The people around me seem to be enjoying the world of capitalism just fine. What’s the deal with avocados anyway? I’m pretty sure it’s a marketing scam.

This year is weird. There’s a political and civil feud going on in my country right now, and I honestly don’t have the emotional capacity to comment on that. Meanwhile, Elon Musk decided to buy Twitter as soon as I got bored of it. Coincidence? I think not. I think Elon was waiting for me to get bored of Twitter so he could buy it.

Back to me. As long as I am able to do my work, go to the doctor and guilt-trip them into solving my health issues ASAP, see my friends from time to time, start working out and really kill my skincare routine (figuratively speaking), then all shall be good in the hood. And Netflix without the chill for now. Chill requires enthusiastic consent, which I don’t feel like giving at this moment. Maybe because I managed to have relationship problems this year without actually being in a relationship? It’s like I played the system to my detriment. Like I hacked into a computer but ended up downloading a virus. How does that even happen?

Anyway, it’s late. I promise more intellectual content next time since I am, at the end of the day, an intellectual. No, just kidding — I have the sense of humour of a teenage boy. And, over the past couple of weeks, it seems like I have the skin quality of one too. So on that note, I better go wipe off my makeup, passionately rub some tea tree oil into my face and fall asleep watching The Office.

PS. Yes, I am finally watching the entire show — not just the best parts. And it’s fantastic. I don’t usually like American humour that much because I can be a melancholic assho — um, individual. But this is great.



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